A friend is the one who gives you the charisma to win over people. The one who supports you throughout your life. Friendship is SUPPOSED to be a wonderful relationship in this world. But there is one in a million (like me) who starves' for such relationship, but has never got one.
This post of mine, as you would think is not to explain about my so and so friend who has been through my life, but is about my expectations from a friend (i know its not good to have expectations because "EXPECTATION KILLS").
I want to share my feelings, my thoughts, my desires that i had, even now as my fingers move along my key board. I personally feel, a friend motivates you, all through your bad times and can also bring you some of them. But I had some, who just brought about the latter alone.
2002: I move into this new school, with so many dreams {obviously}. The age when its hard to understand what friendship is, but we have so many friends.
A child who shares his lunch with you is your friend.
A child who does all mischief with you is your friend.
A child who make you smile all time is your friend.
I was being shuffled across all the classes that existed between my 5th std. to 10th. Probably, i felt, it was the reason for the decline in my gradings, from 1st to last in the class. Probably, my principal knew that i was the one without a good friend. Every time they shuffled, she would have noticed that i was the only guy without any demands, or a friend who cried for me not to change my class, nor i had any regrets. I felt i had my mates in the next class every time i got shuffled. But even then i completed my 10th. I got a good grade, against others wish. I proved some people wrong that i was not the kinda guy they thought i would be. I was happy. I had handful of friends. I believed they were true to me, close to me, and standby me when i had problems. I kept visiting them even after i joined diploma. I would spare a day in a week to visit them, to stay in touch. But things changed. They started leaving me, ignored my texts, my calls and the worst thing of all. Changed number without giving the new one. At last HIDING inside your room, and telling your mom to inform me that you were not home...!! I stopped knocking their doors at last after a years of try.
I understood why my mom kept saying, "School friends never stay along {there are some cases where they do}, but only your colleges mates do".
I thought it was all about maturity. But i do stay in contact with SOME of them.One who left the school when he was 6th. Two who were with me in my class for a year to two during my 6 year stay in that school. And one who just keeps on sending forwards from day one without any expectations. But i have moved on.
2007: Again, I move into this college, with some clarity in my life. I worked hard, harder and really hard. And i managed to get this tag of a bright student(only to add to my misery), thanks to my mates who helped me. I was probably youngest in my class. 16 year old studying along a 26 year old. Funny isn't it. But i learned a lot from them. From different diversities, classes We were ONE. Mechanical rocked. But again, I was able to feel many, ignoring me, because they formed their own batches. But i was left alone again, with one or two from the whole gang of 200 mechanical engineers. Pathetic..!! with only one in contact with me.
2010: Again, I move into a new college, with my only intention to finish off the next 3 years and get back to my home. New people, new place, new environment. Hostel...!! A place where nothing is yours, but everything is. I was happy that my stay at the hostel was ONLY for 3 years unlike others. For the 1st year, I spent my whole time in a tunnel. This room effectively made me avoid people. But i was happy with my room mate. No problems what so ever. Here comes the 2nd year in my hostel. SHITTT!!! Am one among them {at-least here i can say so}. Room places along with my classmates. I thought it would be a blessing in disguise as it would help myself move with them. But i could feel, they were just using my services. I was in a class, where talking to girls is a SIN, {Thanks to some male chauvinists, who themselves used to talk to girls}, some female pals who smile at you, but talk all nonsense behind. There was a time, when i used to worry for all these comments. I badly needed a friend. I could rely only{for time sake} on some people who were against these thorns. But still i felt all alone! Had sleepless nights when i was brought into some useless crap. Blamed for reason that i talk with girl(s). The only day when i say the whole class being united. But united against ME..!!But it hurt most when the people i helped when they were in such situations {though i helped without any intentions, i needed support badly then} didn't even care about it.
But, i woke up fresh. I don't need a friend among them. The day when i realized, so called FRIENDS can even hurt you. I can stand on my own legs, I can fight for my right to speech and expression, right to do whatever i want. The day i realized, that i am answerable only to my parents. I don't need to prove anyone. And it was a day, when i realized, no one can care for you more than yourself. And not everyone i speak with are my friends. Finally i realized "I WAS MY OWN FRIEND".
This post of mine, as you would think is not to explain about my so and so friend who has been through my life, but is about my expectations from a friend (i know its not good to have expectations because "EXPECTATION KILLS").
I want to share my feelings, my thoughts, my desires that i had, even now as my fingers move along my key board. I personally feel, a friend motivates you, all through your bad times and can also bring you some of them. But I had some, who just brought about the latter alone.
2002: I move into this new school, with so many dreams {obviously}. The age when its hard to understand what friendship is, but we have so many friends.
A child who shares his lunch with you is your friend.
A child who does all mischief with you is your friend.
A child who make you smile all time is your friend.
I was being shuffled across all the classes that existed between my 5th std. to 10th. Probably, i felt, it was the reason for the decline in my gradings, from 1st to last in the class. Probably, my principal knew that i was the one without a good friend. Every time they shuffled, she would have noticed that i was the only guy without any demands, or a friend who cried for me not to change my class, nor i had any regrets. I felt i had my mates in the next class every time i got shuffled. But even then i completed my 10th. I got a good grade, against others wish. I proved some people wrong that i was not the kinda guy they thought i would be. I was happy. I had handful of friends. I believed they were true to me, close to me, and standby me when i had problems. I kept visiting them even after i joined diploma. I would spare a day in a week to visit them, to stay in touch. But things changed. They started leaving me, ignored my texts, my calls and the worst thing of all. Changed number without giving the new one. At last HIDING inside your room, and telling your mom to inform me that you were not home...!! I stopped knocking their doors at last after a years of try.
I understood why my mom kept saying, "School friends never stay along {there are some cases where they do}, but only your colleges mates do".
I thought it was all about maturity. But i do stay in contact with SOME of them.One who left the school when he was 6th. Two who were with me in my class for a year to two during my 6 year stay in that school. And one who just keeps on sending forwards from day one without any expectations. But i have moved on.
2007: Again, I move into this college, with some clarity in my life. I worked hard, harder and really hard. And i managed to get this tag of a bright student(only to add to my misery), thanks to my mates who helped me. I was probably youngest in my class. 16 year old studying along a 26 year old. Funny isn't it. But i learned a lot from them. From different diversities, classes We were ONE. Mechanical rocked. But again, I was able to feel many, ignoring me, because they formed their own batches. But i was left alone again, with one or two from the whole gang of 200 mechanical engineers. Pathetic..!! with only one in contact with me.
2010: Again, I move into a new college, with my only intention to finish off the next 3 years and get back to my home. New people, new place, new environment. Hostel...!! A place where nothing is yours, but everything is. I was happy that my stay at the hostel was ONLY for 3 years unlike others. For the 1st year, I spent my whole time in a tunnel. This room effectively made me avoid people. But i was happy with my room mate. No problems what so ever. Here comes the 2nd year in my hostel. SHITTT!!! Am one among them {at-least here i can say so}. Room places along with my classmates. I thought it would be a blessing in disguise as it would help myself move with them. But i could feel, they were just using my services. I was in a class, where talking to girls is a SIN, {Thanks to some male chauvinists, who themselves used to talk to girls}, some female pals who smile at you, but talk all nonsense behind. There was a time, when i used to worry for all these comments. I badly needed a friend. I could rely only{for time sake} on some people who were against these thorns. But still i felt all alone! Had sleepless nights when i was brought into some useless crap. Blamed for reason that i talk with girl(s). The only day when i say the whole class being united. But united against ME..!!But it hurt most when the people i helped when they were in such situations {though i helped without any intentions, i needed support badly then} didn't even care about it.
But, i woke up fresh. I don't need a friend among them. The day when i realized, so called FRIENDS can even hurt you. I can stand on my own legs, I can fight for my right to speech and expression, right to do whatever i want. The day i realized, that i am answerable only to my parents. I don't need to prove anyone. And it was a day, when i realized, no one can care for you more than yourself. And not everyone i speak with are my friends. Finally i realized "I WAS MY OWN FRIEND".
